Recognising the seasons in our lives with friendships.
It is amazing to think we are already 7 months into 2018. As we go into winter (summer for some) the leaves changing, the nights colder I tend to go into hibernation mode. I sometimes wonder if I was not a bear in my previous life as the cold and I are not friends.
I must apologise for being MIA for the month of June. I needed some cocooning time to do a little healing on myself. During this time, it gave me time to reflect and honour my friendships.
As we go into seasons within our lives, we go through the process with people who come into and are part of our daily lives. Recognising this process can in itself be challenging to us especially if we do not like conflict or changes. However, we need to do this process to allow us to grow and become the person we are meant to be.
Friendship for me is vital and of upmost importance – this in its true essence is what it is all about is it not? I will say that friends need to honour one another and be true, not a one sided affair. I have two friendships that have been forever in my life.My twin sister Anthea has always been a part of my life.
I am not going to say, “Oh, it’s been plain sailing” of course, however we have had our fair share of sibling issues but our friendship has held us close. We have always been there for one another; Anthea is part of me. She has been the strength in my journey, my greatest cheerleader, and critic; she has made things feel uncomfortable when I was too complacent. Yes, my twin sister is also my greatest friend. A month ago, we were both involved in a horrific hit and run accident. Going through this experience together has defined our God given gift as twins and our everlasting relationship. 2017 was perhaps one of the most devastating part of our relationship which tested us to a limit that I can’t put into words, through that agonising period for both us we had to work with in and reach deep to pull through. On our beloved mother’s deathbed, we realised and saw the essence of our importance to one another.
Anthea constantly is my there as we are to one another.
My dearest sister, Melanie older by a few years. A reminder of both my mother and granny in the sense of the wise words that come from her. Time has had to shape our relationship to what it is now, through the growing up stages of infancy, adolescence, adulthood to the maturity of now. I am forever grateful for this growth and where we are at now. I value each moment we get to chat as through these times wisdom always comes through.
The first time I met my dearest friend Susan was in 1975. We became friends instantly and we are still friends. After school, we drifted apart, to this day I am not sure why, life happens. I remember catching up with Sue when she was a mom of three and I had my two. Our friendship went into hibernation…It was only after many years when we got together again through face book. The funny thing was her sister saw me driving in the traffic in Johannesburg took my number plate down and traced me via this way, when Sue saw my surname as Vipond she said it wasn’t me as she remembered my surname as a different one. That put it on hold until she remembered Anthea’s surname and looked up her friends on Face Book and found me that way .When we finally met up it was as if we had seen one another just the other day. Our friendship has grown in the years, there is a maturity about our friendship where there is no jealousy, no proving to one another it a friendship of genuine feeling for one another for honouring the other.
Sometimes we come across people we just click with and I am so very fortunate to have that in my friend Cindi. I remember the first time I met her in Cape Town where she was a general manager of the hotel I used to go to on a monthly basis when I was travelling on business. Her warmth and genuine care so instilled in her shines through every pore of her. Every day I wake up and I find an uplifting inspiring quote on my phone that she has sent me. Cindi is an incredibly positive uplifting friend that I value and I’m blessed with daily.
I believe people come into our lives for a reason allowing us to learn from one another. Sometimes there comes a point in our self- development and growth when people we regarded as friends need to move from our space. This also happens in some marriages where the time to leave has to happen for the good of all. I believe that when we come into this timing within our growth it is vital to have the emotional maturity to be honest with the other person and tell them that it is time for you to move forward and thank them for being part of your life. When the other person resists, threatens, and refuses to move on this is when you need to stand strong. When a “friend” feels that you are not part of her space because of her belief system, it is not about you it is about where they are at and that they hold fear in their own belief system. Friends can be friends with anyone from a different race, culture, or religion – it is about honouring the other. Do not be that person that simply exits from a relationship without telling the other why; personally, I believe this is a coward’s way of ending a relationship.
I will say that moving on from friends can be bittersweet as well. It is interesting how when a friendship ends how the other party cannot be cordial. The worst part is been in a friendship of three, not ideal! Someone always gets hurt. It is like the middle child syndrome, someone always feels left out. Don’t be the friend in the middle of two friends who are not talking to one another and you are trying to get them back together as you will always be taken out of context and seen as the one interfering. If one sends e-mails about the other wishing to be friends with the other, let them know you are sending their e-mails onto one another so they get the facts. I did this, which was conveniently forgotten: – I talk from experience. I set the boundaries regarding these two friends however, it backfired on me, as some would say “True story”
Do not surround yourself with “friends” who on a whim when they are going through their stuff un-friends you on face book or blocks you on WhatsApp those are not true friends. Friends treat one another with love and respect; friends know you will be there for them. It is important to recognise who are your friends and who are the passers-by is in your life. As the quote goes, “Some people aren’t loyal to you. They are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalties” Walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind.
Surround yourself with positive uplifting friends, who uplift one another. The true essence of a friend is someone who knows you, understands you, and is there for you. This also is what you as a true friend should do. Respect one another.
You will notice I use the words “honour and blessed” a lot, these two words are a vital part of my day and they are words that are who I am, I give thanks every day for the honoured blessings I am given.
For my treasured sisters and friends:
“Dear Sisters and friends, I am so lucky to have someone like you – hopeful, kind, honest, and true. Goodwill shared with sincerity and trust, no jealousy a part of us, rather upliftment as part of us. Thank you for this part of my life that I am blessed with, I have been blessed with the blessing of you in my life.”
A journal for women to re-discover who they are