My connection to the month of May

 

 

This precious month for me will always be significant to me as it is the month I officially launched “Finding your Inner Goddess”, it’s the month my mother would have celebrated her birthday as well the anniversary of her passing.

Sunday 13th May was mother’s day in many parts of the world. To all moms I salute you for the work you do. What does Mother Day mean:  a day in the year in which mothers are honoured by their children as well as step or adopted mothers are honoured.

As a mother I’m passionate where my children are concerned and I’m also a step mom which I am proud of, but, let’s be frank here – step parenting has been a journey of many roads travelled; so many lessons learned and new understandings gained, allowing me to grow.

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Here I am with Gary and our children.

The hardest part of being a step-mom has been its severe challenges, tough at times, but a necessary journey in my case. I am a mom to all our children, but I will never, and have never tried to replace my step-sons mother as that’s not my place, and all I can be is their other mom and to be there for them. I believe that children model themselves on their parents and that is why it is so important for mothers to be a shining example. Princess Diana said “I will fight for my children on any level so they can reach their potential”, and what an incredible mother she was.

Last year we didn’t celebrate mother’s day with my beautiful mom as she had passed away on the 2nd May, this will be my second mother’s day without my mom. My mother was a beauty queen and an absolutely stunning model in her day. I can remember her as this incredibly elegant woman always with make up on and never untidy at home, even when she wasn’t going out or at work. She was a mother of five and also a step-mom. Was my mom perfect – not at all; did she have favourites – absolutely! Often as a child and growing into my adult life I felt very sad and rejected because of the favouritism but then I was blessed to have been given a twin sister who was my companion and my best friend. Perhaps my mom felt that we had one another, although I’m not sure.  My parents got divorced when I was very young, and though I had a step-father, my mom was the parent figure in my life. Had my mom dealt with all her challenges I know her life would have been so different.

At the age of around 15 I met an incredible woman who became, in my eyes, my second mom. I know her as Mrs Thatcher and she always loved me and embraced me into her home like her daughter. To this day we are still in contact, and, although she lives in Durban and I am in Johannesburg, whenever I’m in that part of the country I always pop in to see her.Mrs Thatcher and I can catch up were we left off as it doesn’t matter how long ago we saw or spoke to another and I’ve always told her she was my other mom. You don’t have to have a mother who birthed or raised you as you can have that relationship with someone else, such as I did.

As we move into adult life we marry and are gifted with another mom – a mother-in-law.  Some mothers-in-law are from hell, whilst others are a pure delight. I often wonder why mom-in-laws are so impacted by their daughter-in-laws; sure daughter-in-laws also can be crazy. This dynamic was never on my agenda as I hated conflict and I was taught about respecting others. My first mom-in-law was a very sweet woman, Mom Kramer loved by all. We celebrated our birthdays together, I used to laugh and say to Peter that he married me to remind him of his mom. How special it was to celebrate my birthday not just with my twin but also with Mom Kramer, sadly she passed away 2nd September 2017 – 5 months after my beautiful mom’s passing.

My relationship with my other mom-in-law Mom Andrew was one that started off very badly due to the misguided and poisonous things she was fed by my husband’s ex. It took 7 years before she finally got to meet me, and, we did meet it became a relationship that had to be worked at every week. I believed in my marriage and I believed in my husband, so for me it was vital that Mom Andrew knew who I was and not who she thought I was. I could have turned my back on her and become the daughter-in-law from hell but to what advantage? Every moment of our life is critical for our wellbeing, and it wouldn’t have served me to be otherwise, absolutely not. In time she got to know me for who I was and my core values, we ended up having a relationship that we were comfortable with. I spoke to her every single week, when she was ill I flew down to Durban and spent time with her making sure she was comfortable. I remember when she phoned me the last time I spoke to her she really didn’t sound well at all, it was a Saturday morning and we chatted for about an hour, it was as if she needed to talk to me about some of the things on her chest, she said Gary can phone her on the Monday. Gary was away on a golfing weekend, that night when he phoned I mentioned that his mom didn’t sound so great. When Gary got back Sunday afternoon I insisted that he phoned his mom which he did. Thank goodness he did as she passed away early hours of Monday morning, 7/4/2014.

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My mom and I

27th May is my mother’s birthday. Even though she has passed on, today will always remain her birthday, for someone to minimise it by saying that she is no longer here shows no heart or empathy. I celebrate my mother for the beautiful woman she was and what she had instilled in her children. When the simple act of picking up the phone to chat to your mom when you need it most isn’t there anymore – that is when reality hits.

When the words “I love you my child” don’t come anymore that’s when reality hits.

I wrote a poem a few years ago as a Step-mom for all Step-children to understand.

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It is very important that as women we honour one another, we honour our mothers. I look at the way that so many of the younger generation treat their mothers and I’m appalled. I don’t know if it’s the age of Reality TV that we see that the younger generation feels it okay that they have carte blanch to disrespect their parents as they do. Moms have their journeys and moms have a lot they carry with them, so I believe until one has walked in their shoes don’t judge and don’t expect to be treated like a princess or prince if you don’t treat your mom with respect. As we are a God given gift so are our moms. One day it might be too late to go talk, hug or say to your mom I love you – that’s how I see it. If you are wondering about my relationship with my children, I can honestly say I have a really good healthy one with each of them. I am blessed with their personal values and growth, and with their choices as well as the respect they show me. I am blessed with who they have become.

As women we go through many phases in our lives which create so many emotions within us. We carry much on our shoulders, putting aside our own “stuff” to be there for everyone else. When children come into our lives we continue to put our “stuff” deeper in boxes as it becomes easier than dealing with it. When we get comfortable with doing this we put our very needs last, having chatted to a few women I have found it’s incredible to see how we all have this common denominator – everyone first, ourselves last.  How great would it be if schools could teach life coaching so as adults we can understand coping skills instead of putting it in the box and closing the lid? My word, I had boxes and boxes to unpack, today I deal with the issues as they come up – there and then, and I can’t and won’t do the boxes again. Regarding boxes I have had to do deal with this for my own self growth but that will be for another day.

Never loose heart in who you are – for as you nurture yourself – you nurture others. Your children will have the mother they need; the ripple effect is rewarding for everyone.

Happy you – happy partner – happy children– happy family….. And so the cycle is formed.

Journal

A journal for women to re-discover who they are

$22.00

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Time to fly time to soar.

 

Journal

A journal for women to re-discover who they are

$22.00

Time for me to fly, time for Finding your Inner Goddess – soar – I have had three events booked where my journal was exposed directly to the public– 2ND, 5th & 12th May

 

 

Event number 1:- 2nd May 2018 was a very important day for me as it was a day of celebration: a celebration of my book as well as celebrating my beautiful mother who passed away on the 2nd May 2017 from a relevantly short struggle with cancer.  I dedicated my book to my mother for the values she had installed in me and my sisters; for recognising her struggles within her own life and me witnessing the good, the bad and the ugly of her life. No matter what situation she was handed she always carried herself with dignity and strength. One of the favourite things I regularly say to myself is: ‘let go, let God’ which I learned from my mom.

Getting back to the 2nd May, I have to admit I was calm and in control. Off I went to have my hair done, whilst my great supporter my husband Gary, went off to the art gallery to drop off my books, the banners, table cloth and the wines. We held the launch at The Art Link Gallery on 6th in Parkhurst, Johannesburg. I had sent out invites via social media, FB messenger and WhatsApp, as well as created an event on FB. To be honest with you this is the only way I know how to spread the word via social media. I had no idea how many people would be attending. The time had arrived for us to make our way to the event, but earlier, there had been a massive storm which of course caused major road chaos and fortunately we could rely on Waze to get us there via this turn and that turn. When we arrived at The Art Link Gallery on 6th there were only 3 people there: my daughter Claire with a beautiful bunch of flowers, Author and Gallery owner Shani Kor Krebs and my very vibrant friend Deborah Dreyer who had deliberately arrived early to see that the set up was just right and to bring some plates of eats with her – Deborah has become a valuable friend and ally  and I’m truly blessed to have met her.

 

People slowly trickled in and it turned out to be small group of people – about 25 in total – just what I wanted and needed as it created an intimate atmosphere. I loved the people who came to be part of my very first book launch because they arrived with warmth and opened their hearts to the journal. Meeting new people and chatting to everyone about my passion about the empowerment of women was a highlight for me. Was I nervous to give a talk about the book – not at all – although I must admit I thought I would have preferred a Q&A but it turned out very successfully and I loved getting the message out there.

Deb and I book launch
The ever supportive Deborah Dreyer

Event number 2: – 5th May at a Shopping Centre called Kyalami Corner in a store called U-Foria Lifestyle. Wasn’t sure what to expect, just that I know the owner of the store Lorna is a wonderful woman who has created a fantastic gifting store with a stunning on line store. I’m thrilled to have my book as part of the products available there. Louise, Lorna’s right hand woman, had put together a great display for potential shoppers and Inner Goddess buyers.  It turned out to be a slow event, however when we are given opportunities such as this, we have to embrace the opportunity and maximise the value in each.

Event number3: – 12th May was hosted by Lorna Marshall and her incredible assistant Louise Potgiter at Norma Jeans Health and Beauty Spa in Benoni, Gauteng. Once again meeting stunning women where great connections are made.At each event I was privileged to meet phenomenal women who also want to get involved and empower other women. These truly amazing women know what needs to be done and simply get it.

I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t admit that some who said they would support me at both events never turned up and have left me disappointed.  I recognise that this is something that I need to truly understand as not everyone will or can keep their word.  Does their non-support define me? Not at all – it is what it is – I’m okay. The focus of these events is not about me, it’s about communicating the message of the importance of empowering women. If I touch one or two women at these events then I know I’m succeeding and that says “Finding your Inner Goddess” is working.

The core essence of “Finding Your Inner Goddess” is the reason for the journey so let’s get into that: I do have a wish list which I will share with you now- as we put it out, so we create!Wish list: – I KNOW IT. I FEEL IT. I SEE IT.

  • For every woman to have their own “Finding your Inner Goddess” journal and for young women to see its value, and to stand up and empower themselves.
  • For companies to say “Yes I want this for the women who work here, and for each female employee to have a copy of the journal to help them to empower themselves.”
  • I want friends to buy a copy for their friends, and for home groups to be established.
  • For women to hold workshops for women who will know they are safe to be empowered.
  • For schools to allow me to talk to their girls on how to empower themselves.

As Edgar Cayce says “Dreams are today’s answers and tomorrows questions.” When we create opportunities for others to self-empower themselves and to grow, then the world is our oyster, we are the worlds pearl – be gentle with yourself.

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When we have a working journal such as “Finding Your Inner Goddess” we start the process of getting into healthy habits which allows us fly.Looking back on past issues and hurts serves no place, you no longer need it , it has no priority in your life; rather look forward to the great opportunities life has to offer you. Put the NOW into action!I can tell you that through my 25 years of healing I don’t look at any of my journey with dismay or see myself as a victim: sure if I could re-write a few experiences, absolutely I would ,however  I recognise that this would have caused me to travel a different journey.

Instead of thinking I would have OR I could have- rather embrace the different journeys for the blessings it has brought into your life. When I look at some of my own hurts, which in fact caused my own setback in personal growth, I realise how through thinking and mulling on them (because of my fear of rejection) I created a negative cycle in my own life. When we have a negative cycle in our space the ripple effects are very evident. Don’t let mind games impact on you causing cracks in relationships and giving the “gremlins” power.

I say this as I have travelled this very journey:  I have travelled different mind game roads causing me a lot of heart ache.  I let the gremlins overtake to such a point that I ended up ostracising my relationship with my sister-in-law because I felt she had taken my brother away from me;  my relationship with my step-sister where I felt she had taken my older sister away from me. Two relationships that were impacted by my fear of rejection resulting in me rejecting them. While I didn’t realise this at the time, I later understood what I had done to myself and to them and that gave me the ability to say I’m sorry, forgive me. I carried this self-inflicted pain for 30 odd years and, my gosh, when I look at the length of time I self-sabotaged myself it is really quite scary, but thank goodness I recognised it and did the self-healing as well as asking for forgiveness.

The one thing I can honestly say is that doing the prep work on “Finding Your Inner Goddess” has allowed me to revisit some areas that I still needed to work on. I will always say this ‘working on yourself is a constant’ and we can’t become complacent with ourselves. Never think your work is completed as there will be triggers that will set something off within you and there will be new challenges to face- that’s okay – don’t beat yourself up as we are allowed those moments to re-address areas that need some working on. The real benefit is that you are working on yourself and that’s what counts.

Never underestimate your ability to empower yourself. When you see the light within grasp it and run with it for you are on your way – don’t be afraid, you have waited long enough for it. Here is one of my all-time favourite well known quotes by Erin Hanson “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly” I say this to you: be that caterpillar that turns into a beautiful butterfly and fly, soar for you deserve it!

How do I get a copy of Finding your Inner Goddess

 

Journal

A journal for women to re-discover who they are

$22.00

Landscape cover

This beautiful interactive journal is available :You can send an e-mail to delia@vipond or message me on my WordPress account.

Journals are available – postage globally please note postage is excluded

Cost of the journal is R265:00 receive a free Inner Goddess crystal pen with purchase

Retailers/ facilitators price R200:00

Perfect to do on your own, as a home group or workshops

You can also order you copy through – http://angels.za.com/product-category/books/

You are allowed to fly, you are allowed to soar.

Let the light within

This week I’ve been drawn to highlight the need for your light to shine within for others to witness. Take back your power from those who believe it’s their right to control you.

If you feel dis-empowered but feel it’s easier to just keep the peace, then, you are allowing your disempowered state to control you. You already know deep within that there is no peace or happiness in this state and you are stunting your ability to grow.

Throughout my life I carried fear within me which dis-empowered me. I wanted to be liked by others; to be recognised for what I did; to be accepted. In carrying this fear of not being accepted, I put myself second and others ahead of me. What I’m saying will resonate with many of you, and you will have this whoosh of feeling that I’m right and that I could be talking about you. The sexual harassment and sexual overtures that some women encounter at work, going out, walking along a walk way, catching a bus or taxi etc. highlight another area of significant dis-empowerment.  Sexual harassment also often leads to rape, physical abuse and in some cases murder, and as women we have to re-empower ourselves by speaking out against the abuse. When we deal with the hard core issues we are faced with on a daily basis by standing up and re-empowering our God given right as a female, we learn to live the divine life we are gifted and meant to live; it starts to formulate the light within.

Plant upliftment

It’s like tending to a seed in the ground which starts to push through the soil, and by nurturing the seed, it starts to rise to its full glory, to the magnificence of what it was divinely meant to be!

Should you not be doing this for yourself?

Should you not be honouring yourself?

Do you not deserve to be that magnificent blossom?

Start the process of nurturing yourself – this cannot be done overnight – remember how long you have had to live as you have……..start the process for you!

 

Never allow someone else to tell you – you are not beautiful, you are stupid, you are fat. For when people start this, it’s a reflection of their own low self-worth, not yours. It’s easier to bully someone else or dis-empower them as it allows them to feel in control.

Many times I have seen women whose partners’ control them fully: where they are told they don’t understand business, they don’t need to see the bank balance, they should dress and furnish the home a certain way. If you have a partner doing this to you, you need to realise that they have dis-empowered you and you have allowed it to happen. Instead of accepting the dis-harmony within that this creates, take back your power, be gentle with yourself, you can find a solution.

 

As soon as you recognise within yourself that which needs to change, you can embrace YOU for the divine blessing you are meant to be.

When that starts to fall into place, no matter how small the seed is, it will flourish and you will start to shine from within. Do this for the good of your well being and for the good of all.

Journal

A journal for women to re-discover who they are

$22.00