Weight has become a major issue for many people over time. I myself have become a victim of this, through years of bullying as a young school girl and adult, where weight became an massive factor in my life. I was the perfect yoyo dieter until recently. It’s not easy dealing with weight when society puts pressure on how we should look etc. Many people have not found work or relationships because of this. A very difficult time for many. There is also the illness factor that does contribute to weight gain which has to be addressed and handled with dedication and love of self to work through.
I believe that we need to relook at how we address our love / hate relationship with weight. The key is looking at how we look and embrace who we are, as soon as that happens a shift does take place…… We stop our immediate pressure on ourselves. Always remember what others think that is just it, it’s what they think! What are they trying to hide that they need to turn their attention to you. Once the mind shift changes from you, you need to change what you say about your weight……
Remove the word ‘loose’, you might be wondering why I’m saying this. To loose something you will get it back. Normally we always find what we have lost or it somehow finds its way back. So Hallo why on earth do you want your weight back. Let’s change the word to Release. When you release something you set it free. I have finally come to terms with this.
Every day I say my Affirmations as often as possible they have become my Mantra. When I look in the mirror I look at myself with loving eyes and not eyes of judgement. When you bath or shower embrace your body by loving your body by acknowledging the journey it has been with you. You and your body have traveled many journeys, gone through all types of emotions as well as the roller coaster ride of your relationship with weight. Dealing with cellulite etc…
If you are wanting to release your weight believe it, see it and feel it. You are worthy.
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How many people in positions of leadership have become what they are because of the team behind them? It’s food for thought!
I have come across so many people who have become victims of credit stealers. So what is a credit Stealer? It is that person of authority, or a co-worker who takes others hard work as their own. That is the simplicity of that statement. Are you a credit stealer?
How does a credit Stealer impact on the very people they take from? They create demotivation, lack luster staff as well as mistrust where staff hate the work environment.
Some people will take your work ethics and violate them to better themselves. No matter what you do it’s not about you but rather about the core value of that person. Never drop your standards for someone else who is a credit stealer. Value who you are.
What about the credit stealer who is a work colleague? There are plenty of them around let’s face it. These are the ones who take advantage of a fellow colleague, taking their ideas or manipulating it to look like their work. Come across any lately? Then to top it off they get a promotion that rightly should have been yours.
I honestly believe that eventually they will be exposed.
To have staff that are motivated leaders need to motivate their staff to such an extent that staff members are enthusiastic to get to work and deliver.
A little exercise for yourself, your Team leaders as well as staff to answer. There will be answers that may shock one, it’s a necessary if you are wanting to create a positive outcome within your organization.
How do you empower your staff members?
Are the right people getting the accolade they deserve?
Are you promoting the right people?
How do you have an uplifted positive team that is empowered?
Give yourself time to reflect on these questions……..
Recognising the seasons in our lives with friendships.
It is amazing to think we are already 7 months into 2018. As we go into winter (summer for some) the leaves changing, the nights colder I tend to go into hibernation mode. I sometimes wonder if I was not a bear in my previous life as the cold and I are not friends.
I must apologise for being MIA for the month of June. I needed some cocooning time to do a little healing on myself. During this time, it gave me time to reflect and honour my friendships.
As we go into seasons within our lives, we go through the process with people who come into and are part of our daily lives. Recognising this process can in itself be challenging to us especially if we do not like conflict or changes. However, we need to do this process to allow us to grow and become the person we are meant to be.
Friendship for me is vital and of upmost importance – this in its true essence is what it is all about is it not? I will say that friends need to honour one another and be true, not a one sided affair. I have two friendships that have been forever in my life.My twin sister Anthea has always been a part of my life.
I am not going to say, “Oh, it’s been plain sailing” of course, however we have had our fair share of sibling issues but our friendship has held us close. We have always been there for one another; Anthea is part of me. She has been the strength in my journey, my greatest cheerleader, and critic; she has made things feel uncomfortable when I was too complacent. Yes, my twin sister is also my greatest friend. A month ago, we were both involved in a horrific hit and run accident. Going through this experience together has defined our God given gift as twins and our everlasting relationship. 2017 was perhaps one of the most devastating part of our relationship which tested us to a limit that I can’t put into words, through that agonising period for both us we had to work with in and reach deep to pull through. On our beloved mother’s deathbed, we realised and saw the essence of our importance to one another.
Anthea constantly is my there as we are to one another.
My dearest sister, Melanie older by a few years. A reminder of both my mother and granny in the sense of the wise words that come from her. Time has had to shape our relationship to what it is now, through the growing up stages of infancy, adolescence, adulthood to the maturity of now. I am forever grateful for this growth and where we are at now. I value each moment we get to chat as through these times wisdom always comes through.
The first time I met my dearest friend Susan was in 1975. We became friends instantly and we are still friends. After school, we drifted apart, to this day I am not sure why, life happens. I remember catching up with Sue when she was a mom of three and I had my two. Our friendship went into hibernation…It was only after many years when we got together again through face book. The funny thing was her sister saw me driving in the traffic in Johannesburg took my number plate down and traced me via this way, when Sue saw my surname as Vipond she said it wasn’t me as she remembered my surname as a different one. That put it on hold until she remembered Anthea’s surname and looked up her friends on Face Book and found me that way .When we finally met up it was as if we had seen one another just the other day. Our friendship has grown in the years, there is a maturity about our friendship where there is no jealousy, no proving to one another it a friendship of genuine feeling for one another for honouring the other.
Sometimes we come across people we just click with and I am so very fortunate to have that in my friend Cindi. I remember the first time I met her in Cape Town where she was a general manager of the hotel I used to go to on a monthly basis when I was travelling on business. Her warmth and genuine care so instilled in her shines through every pore of her. Every day I wake up and I find an uplifting inspiring quote on my phone that she has sent me. Cindi is an incredibly positive uplifting friend that I value and I’m blessed with daily.
I believe people come into our lives for a reason allowing us to learn from one another. Sometimes there comes a point in our self- development and growth when people we regarded as friends need to move from our space. This also happens in some marriages where the time to leave has to happen for the good of all. I believe that when we come into this timing within our growth it is vital to have the emotional maturity to be honest with the other person and tell them that it is time for you to move forward and thank them for being part of your life. When the other person resists, threatens, and refuses to move on this is when you need to stand strong. When a “friend” feels that you are not part of her space because of her belief system, it is not about you it is about where they are at and that they hold fear in their own belief system. Friends can be friends with anyone from a different race, culture, or religion – it is about honouring the other. Do not be that person that simply exits from a relationship without telling the other why; personally, I believe this is a coward’s way of ending a relationship.
I will say that moving on from friends can be bittersweet as well. It is interesting how when a friendship ends how the other party cannot be cordial. The worst part is been in a friendship of three, not ideal! Someone always gets hurt. It is like the middle child syndrome, someone always feels left out. Don’t be the friend in the middle of two friends who are not talking to one another and you are trying to get them back together as you will always be taken out of context and seen as the one interfering. If one sends e-mails about the other wishing to be friends with the other, let them know you are sending their e-mails onto one another so they get the facts. I did this, which was conveniently forgotten: – I talk from experience. I set the boundaries regarding these two friends however, it backfired on me, as some would say “True story”
Do not surround yourself with “friends” who on a whim when they are going through their stuff un-friends you on face book or blocks you on WhatsApp those are not true friends. Friends treat one another with love and respect; friends know you will be there for them. It is important to recognise who are your friends and who are the passers-by is in your life. As the quote goes, “Some people aren’t loyal to you. They are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalties” Walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind.
Surround yourself with positive uplifting friends, who uplift one another. The true essence of a friend is someone who knows you, understands you, and is there for you. This also is what you as a true friend should do. Respect one another.
You will notice I use the words “honour and blessed” a lot, these two words are a vital part of my day and they are words that are who I am, I give thanks every day for the honoured blessings I am given.
For my treasured sisters and friends:
“Dear Sisters and friends, I am so lucky to have someone like you – hopeful, kind, honest, and true. Goodwill shared with sincerity and trust, no jealousy a part of us, rather upliftment as part of us. Thank you for this part of my life that I am blessed with, I have been blessed with the blessing of you in my life.”
This precious month for me will always be significant to me as it is the month I officially launched “Finding your Inner Goddess”, it’s the month my mother would have celebrated her birthday as well the anniversary of her passing.
Sunday 13th May was mother’s day in many parts of the world. To all moms I salute you for the work you do. What does Mother Day mean: a day in the year in which mothers are honoured by their children as well as step or adopted mothers are honoured.
As a mother I’m passionate where my children are concerned and I’m also a step mom which I am proud of, but, let’s be frank here – step parenting has been a journey of many roads travelled; so many lessons learned and new understandings gained, allowing me to grow.
The hardest part of being a step-mom has been its severe challenges, tough at times, but a necessary journey in my case. I am a mom to all our children, but I will never, and have never tried to replace my step-sons mother as that’s not my place, and all I can be is their other mom and to be there for them. I believe that children model themselves on their parents and that is why it is so important for mothers to be a shining example. Princess Diana said “I will fight for my children on any level so they can reach their potential”, and what an incredible mother she was.
Last year we didn’t celebrate mother’s day with my beautiful mom as she had passed away on the 2nd May, this will be my second mother’s day without my mom. My mother was a beauty queen and an absolutely stunning model in her day. I can remember her as this incredibly elegant woman always with make up on and never untidy at home, even when she wasn’t going out or at work. She was a mother of five and also a step-mom. Was my mom perfect – not at all; did she have favourites – absolutely! Often as a child and growing into my adult life I felt very sad and rejected because of the favouritism but then I was blessed to have been given a twin sister who was my companion and my best friend. Perhaps my mom felt that we had one another, although I’m not sure. My parents got divorced when I was very young, and though I had a step-father, my mom was the parent figure in my life. Had my mom dealt with all her challenges I know her life would have been so different.
At the age of around 15 I met an incredible woman who became, in my eyes, my second mom. I know her as Mrs Thatcher and she always loved me and embraced me into her home like her daughter. To this day we are still in contact, and, although she lives in Durban and I am in Johannesburg, whenever I’m in that part of the country I always pop in to see her.Mrs Thatcher and I can catch up were we left off as it doesn’t matter how long ago we saw or spoke to another and I’ve always told her she was my other mom. You don’t have to have a mother who birthed or raised you as you can have that relationship with someone else, such as I did.
As we move into adult life we marry and are gifted with another mom – a mother-in-law. Some mothers-in-law are from hell, whilst others are a pure delight. I often wonder why mom-in-laws are so impacted by their daughter-in-laws; sure daughter-in-laws also can be crazy. This dynamic was never on my agenda as I hated conflict and I was taught about respecting others. My first mom-in-law was a very sweet woman, Mom Kramer loved by all. We celebrated our birthdays together, I used to laugh and say to Peter that he married me to remind him of his mom. How special it was to celebrate my birthday not just with my twin but also with Mom Kramer, sadly she passed away 2nd September 2017 – 5 months after my beautiful mom’s passing.
My relationship with my other mom-in-law Mom Andrew was one that started off very badly due to the misguided and poisonous things she was fed by my husband’s ex. It took 7 years before she finally got to meet me, and, we did meet it became a relationship that had to be worked at every week. I believed in my marriage and I believed in my husband, so for me it was vital that Mom Andrew knew who I was and not who she thought I was. I could have turned my back on her and become the daughter-in-law from hell but to what advantage? Every moment of our life is critical for our wellbeing, and it wouldn’t have served me to be otherwise, absolutely not. In time she got to know me for who I was and my core values, we ended up having a relationship that we were comfortable with. I spoke to her every single week, when she was ill I flew down to Durban and spent time with her making sure she was comfortable. I remember when she phoned me the last time I spoke to her she really didn’t sound well at all, it was a Saturday morning and we chatted for about an hour, it was as if she needed to talk to me about some of the things on her chest, she said Gary can phone her on the Monday. Gary was away on a golfing weekend, that night when he phoned I mentioned that his mom didn’t sound so great. When Gary got back Sunday afternoon I insisted that he phoned his mom which he did. Thank goodness he did as she passed away early hours of Monday morning, 7/4/2014.
27th May is my mother’s birthday. Even though she has passed on, today will always remain her birthday, for someone to minimise it by saying that she is no longer here shows no heart or empathy. I celebrate my mother for the beautiful woman she was and what she had instilled in her children. When the simple act of picking up the phone to chat to your mom when you need it most isn’t there anymore – that is when reality hits.
When the words “I love you my child” don’t come anymore that’s when reality hits.
I wrote a poem a few years ago as a Step-mom for all Step-children to understand.
It is very important that as women we honour one another, we honour our mothers. I look at the way that so many of the younger generation treat their mothers and I’m appalled. I don’t know if it’s the age of Reality TV that we see that the younger generation feels it okay that they have carte blanch to disrespect their parents as they do. Moms have their journeys and moms have a lot they carry with them, so I believe until one has walked in their shoes don’t judge and don’t expect to be treated like a princess or prince if you don’t treat your mom with respect. As we are a God given gift so are our moms. One day it might be too late to go talk, hug or say to your mom I love you – that’s how I see it. If you are wondering about my relationship with my children, I can honestly say I have a really good healthy one with each of them. I am blessed with their personal values and growth, and with their choices as well as the respect they show me. I am blessed with who they have become.
As women we go through many phases in our lives which create so many emotions within us. We carry much on our shoulders, putting aside our own “stuff” to be there for everyone else. When children come into our lives we continue to put our “stuff” deeper in boxes as it becomes easier than dealing with it. When we get comfortable with doing this we put our very needs last, having chatted to a few women I have found it’s incredible to see how we all have this common denominator – everyone first, ourselves last. How great would it be if schools could teach life coaching so as adults we can understand coping skills instead of putting it in the box and closing the lid? My word, I had boxes and boxes to unpack, today I deal with the issues as they come up – there and then, and I can’t and won’t do the boxes again. Regarding boxes I have had to do deal with this for my own self growth but that will be for another day.
Never loose heart in who you are – for as you nurture yourself – you nurture others. Your children will have the mother they need; the ripple effect is rewarding for everyone.
Happy you – happy partner – happy children– happy family….. And so the cycle is formed.
Time for me to fly, time for Finding your Inner Goddess – soar – I have had three events booked where my journal was exposed directly to the public– 2ND, 5th & 12th May
Event number 1:- 2nd May 2018 was a very important day for me as it was a day of celebration: a celebration of my book as well as celebrating my beautiful mother who passed away on the 2nd May 2017 from a relevantly short struggle with cancer. I dedicated my book to my mother for the values she had installed in me and my sisters; for recognising her struggles within her own life and me witnessing the good, the bad and the ugly of her life. No matter what situation she was handed she always carried herself with dignity and strength. One of the favourite things I regularly say to myself is: ‘let go, let God’ which I learned from my mom.
Here I am with Shani
Claire and I
Getting back to the 2nd May, I have to admit I was calm and in control. Off I went to have my hair done, whilst my great supporter my husband Gary, went off to the art gallery to drop off my books, the banners, table cloth and the wines. We held the launch at The Art Link Gallery on 6th in Parkhurst, Johannesburg. I had sent out invites via social media, FB messenger and WhatsApp, as well as created an event on FB. To be honest with you this is the only way I know how to spread the word via social media. I had no idea how many people would be attending. The time had arrived for us to make our way to the event, but earlier, there had been a massive storm which of course caused major road chaos and fortunately we could rely on Waze to get us there via this turn and that turn. When we arrived at The Art Link Gallery on 6th there were only 3 people there: my daughter Claire with a beautiful bunch of flowers, Author and Gallery owner Shani Kor Krebs and my very vibrant friend Deborah Dreyer who had deliberately arrived early to see that the set up was just right and to bring some plates of eats with her – Deborah has become a valuable friend and ally and I’m truly blessed to have met her.
Jon, Chelsea and Trish
Gary, Jon and I
Anthea, Gary and I
Gerda, Jolene,Glynis and Anthea
Carl, Claire and Elaine
Mashudu and I
Mashudu, Wendy and I
People slowly trickled in and it turned out to be small group of people – about 25 in total – just what I wanted and needed as it created an intimate atmosphere. I loved the people who came to be part of my very first book launch because they arrived with warmth and opened their hearts to the journal. Meeting new people and chatting to everyone about my passion about the empowerment of women was a highlight for me. Was I nervous to give a talk about the book – not at all – although I must admit I thought I would have preferred a Q&A but it turned out very successfully and I loved getting the message out there.
Event number 2: – 5th May at a Shopping Centre called Kyalami Corner in a store called U-Foria Lifestyle. Wasn’t sure what to expect, just that I know the owner of the store Lorna is a wonderful woman who has created a fantastic gifting store with a stunning on line store. I’m thrilled to have my book as part of the products available there. Louise, Lorna’s right hand woman, had put together a great display for potential shoppers and Inner Goddess buyers. It turned out to be a slow event, however when we are given opportunities such as this, we have to embrace the opportunity and maximise the value in each.
Event number3: – 12th May was hosted by Lorna Marshall and her incredible assistant Louise Potgiter at Norma Jeans Health and Beauty Spa in Benoni, Gauteng. Once again meeting stunning women where great connections are made.At each event I was privileged to meet phenomenal women who also want to get involved and empower other women. These truly amazing women know what needs to be done and simply get it.
I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t admit that some who said they would support me at both events never turned up and have left me disappointed. I recognise that this is something that I need to truly understand as not everyone will or can keep their word. Does their non-support define me? Not at all – it is what it is – I’m okay. The focus of these events is not about me, it’s about communicating the message of the importance of empowering women. If I touch one or two women at these events then I know I’m succeeding and that says “Finding your Inner Goddess” is working.
The core essence of “Finding Your Inner Goddess” is the reason for the journey so let’s get into that: I do have a wish list which I will share with you now- as we put it out, so we create!Wish list: – I KNOW IT. I FEEL IT. I SEE IT.
For every woman to have their own “Finding your Inner Goddess” journal and for young women to see its value, and to stand up and empower themselves.
For companies to say “Yes I want this for the women who work here, and for each female employee to have a copy of the journal to help them to empower themselves.”
I want friends to buy a copy for their friends, and for home groups to be established.
For women to hold workshops for women who will know they are safe to be empowered.
For schools to allow me to talk to their girls on how to empower themselves.
As Edgar Cayce says “Dreams are today’s answers and tomorrows questions.” When we create opportunities for others to self-empower themselves and to grow, then the world is our oyster, we are the worlds pearl – be gentle with yourself.
When we have a working journal such as “Finding Your Inner Goddess” we start the process of getting into healthy habits which allows us fly.Looking back on past issues and hurts serves no place, you no longer need it , it has no priority in your life; rather look forward to the great opportunities life has to offer you. Put the NOW into action!I can tell you that through my 25 years of healing I don’t look at any of my journey with dismay or see myself as a victim: sure if I could re-write a few experiences, absolutely I would ,however I recognise that this would have caused me to travel a different journey.
Instead of thinking I would have OR I could have- rather embrace the different journeys for the blessings it has brought into your life. When I look at some of my own hurts, which in fact caused my own setback in personal growth, I realise how through thinking and mulling on them (because of my fear of rejection) I created a negative cycle in my own life. When we have a negative cycle in our space the ripple effects are very evident. Don’t let mind games impact on you causing cracks in relationships and giving the “gremlins” power.
I say this as I have travelled this very journey: I have travelled different mind game roads causing me a lot of heart ache. I let the gremlins overtake to such a point that I ended up ostracising my relationship with my sister-in-law because I felt she had taken my brother away from me; my relationship with my step-sister where I felt she had taken my older sister away from me. Two relationships that were impacted by my fear of rejection resulting in me rejecting them. While I didn’t realise this at the time, I later understood what I had done to myself and to them and that gave me the ability to say I’m sorry, forgive me. I carried this self-inflicted pain for 30 odd years and, my gosh, when I look at the length of time I self-sabotaged myself it is really quite scary, but thank goodness I recognised it and did the self-healing as well as asking for forgiveness.
The one thing I can honestly say is that doing the prep work on “Finding Your Inner Goddess” has allowed me to revisit some areas that I still needed to work on. I will always say this ‘working on yourself is a constant’ and we can’t become complacent with ourselves. Never think your work is completed as there will be triggers that will set something off within you and there will be new challenges to face- that’s okay – don’t beat yourself up as we are allowed those moments to re-address areas that need some working on. The real benefit is that you are working on yourself and that’s what counts.
Never underestimate your ability to empower yourself. When you see the light within grasp it and run with it for you are on your way – don’t be afraid, you have waited long enough for it. Here is one of my all-time favourite well known quotes by Erin Hanson “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly” I say this to you: be that caterpillar that turns into a beautiful butterfly and fly, soar for you deserve it!
This week I’ve been drawn to highlight the need for your light to shine within for others to witness. Take back your power from those who believe it’s their right to control you.
If you feel dis-empowered but feel it’s easier to just keep the peace, then, you are allowing your disempowered state to control you. You already know deep within that there is no peace or happiness in this state and you are stunting your ability to grow.
Throughout my life I carried fear within me which dis-empowered me. I wanted to be liked by others; to be recognised for what I did; to be accepted. In carrying this fear of not being accepted, I put myself second and others ahead of me. What I’m saying will resonate with many of you, and you will have this whoosh of feeling that I’m right and that I could be talking about you. The sexual harassment and sexual overtures that some women encounter at work, going out, walking along a walk way, catching a bus or taxi etc. highlight another area of significant dis-empowerment. Sexual harassment also often leads to rape, physical abuse and in some cases murder, and as women we have to re-empower ourselves by speaking out against the abuse. When we deal with the hard core issues we are faced with on a daily basis by standing up and re-empowering our God given right as a female, we learn to live the divine life we are gifted and meant to live; it starts to formulate the light within.
It’s like tending to a seed in the ground which starts to push through the soil, and by nurturing the seed, it starts to rise to its full glory, to the magnificence of what it was divinely meant to be!
Should you not be doing this for yourself?
Should you not be honouring yourself?
Do you not deserve to be that magnificent blossom?
Start the process of nurturing yourself – this cannot be done overnight – remember how long you have had to live as you have……..start the process for you!
Never allow someone else to tell you – you are not beautiful, you are stupid, you are fat. For when people start this, it’s a reflection of their own low self-worth, not yours. It’s easier to bully someone else or dis-empower them as it allows them to feel in control.
Many times I have seen women whose partners’ control them fully: where they are told they don’t understand business, they don’t need to see the bank balance, they should dress and furnish the home a certain way. If you have a partner doing this to you, you need to realise that they have dis-empowered you and you have allowed it to happen. Instead of accepting the dis-harmony within that this creates, take back your power, be gentle with yourself, you can find a solution.
As soon as you recognise within yourself that which needs to change, you can embrace YOU for the divine blessing you are meant to be.
When that starts to fall into place, no matter how small the seed is, it will flourish and you will start to shine from within. Do this for the good of your well being and for the good of all.